


Clarity

by ohlovelyx



Category: The Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Last Hours Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Heartbreak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:48:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27753325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohlovelyx/pseuds/ohlovelyx
Summary: Cordelia goes to the bridge where she nearly died the night before she and James are supposed to get married.
Relationships: Cordelia Carstairs/James Herondale
Comments: 1
Kudos: 41





	Clarity

London rarely saw a clear sky, but tonight’s stars shown with a clarity that Cordelia thought of as a gift. A pre wedding gift, she supposed. She hoped that it would offer her some of its clarity. Or beauty. 

Both would be nice, she supposed. 

Nerves ate away at her stomach, and the only thing that seemed to bring any ease was the thought of fresh air. She hadn’t meant to walk here, it just sort of happened. 

Kind of like when she ended up at James’s bedside, reading him her favorite story. 

Except then, she brought someone else solace and now she only sought it for herself. Even as she gripped the railing of the very bridge she had been tossed off of into murky depths. She thought maybe she should have been afraid to come here, but Cordelia wanted a little bit of this fear. The fear of death was a breeze in the tornado of the fear of heartbreak. 

A part of Cordelia feared that during the wedding, James would leave her side for Grace’s as he had done during the ball welcoming her family. The fear left the inside of her hollowed out, eating away at any happiness that she could put on her face for others asking every. damn. minute. 

Even if James didn’t leave during the ceremony, he could leave at any other moment, or even after the year was over he could leave. He would leave. 

Cordelia couldn’t breathe. 

She nearly welcomed falling into the water, the slow reprieve of searching for love in her fiancé’s face. Cordelia thought maybe, just maybe, she could fall in. Maybe someone would save her, maybe she’d pull herself out and get sick, putting off the wedding. 

“It’s bad luck to see each other the night before the wedding you know. We really should’ve chosen different spots for air,” James called out from ten yards away, he seemed hesitant of how tightly she was holding onto the railing but his eyes were still soft. “Or I need to figure out something else to follow in my shadows.” 

Cordelia’s shoulders tightened. “What do you mean?” She asked him. 

He took a step forward, closer to the railing but not to her. “When I’m in there, the other place, there’s only one light I’ve ever seen. The first time I saw it and followed it, it brought me to you.” He took in a deep breath, “I followed it for the second time, and it brought me here.” His eyes met hers again. 

“Where’s your bracelet?” Cordelia asked, and a part of her hoped that he had cast it aside, destroyed it and any sign of Grace in his life again. The larger part of her knew he wouldn’t though. He loved unfailingly, and adoringly, he just didn’t love Cordelia. 

“I decided it wasn’t good to wear a gift from one woman when you’re about to get married to another,” James teased, and Cordelia forced a light smile on her face. James moved closer to her, and he said “If you don’t want to marry me Daisy, you don’t have to. We can call it off right now,” 

Cordelia laughed. “Even with everyone coming? Even your grandparents?” he nodded seriously, and she sighed. “I do want to marry you, James.” She looked at the sky forlornly. 

“I want it very much. But I want you to want it too.” 

James’s face became confused. “I do want to marry you, Daisy.” 

Cordelia refused to meet his eyes. “No, you don’t.” 

“Of course I do,” 

Cordelia finally looked at him, searching his eyes for something she was so sure she’d never find. Something she would have found if she had looked a second longer, but instead she lifted her mouth to his for a small for emotional kiss. 

And when they pulled away, they both panted lightly not from being out of breath. Cordelia turned away to stare at the water. She frowned at it, finding her and James’s reflections. “I’m not very good at pretending, you know.” Cordelia said it the way one might announce it was about to rain. The truth was she felt better about this already, telling him was like lifting the weight of a thousand deaths off of her shoulders. 

“I’m not either.” James muttered. 

Cordelia’s eyes lifted, and sat at a button on his shirt. She couldn’t make the rest of the journey to his eyes. 

“You know, I woke up the morning after I first removed the bracelet and felt like something was missing. I thought maybe it was the loss of the bracelet, but the longer I went through the day the more I felt like I had to do something. I realized, we were supposed to read that book you read to me when I was sick,” James leaned his arms on the railing, closer to her now. “And when I remembered that, I realized I was marrying you, and I realized it would be a year. Only a year. It led me to a short conclusion.” 

“Which is?” Cordelia finally brought herself to say.

“I don’t just want a year with you Daisy. I want every year with you. Every day. Every week. Every month. Every year, for the rest of our lives.” 

Cordelia was silent and James let out a dry laugh. 

“I came out here looking for a way to tell you, for a reason to make that year into forever, and found you here unable to meet my eyes for one second.” 

“I came out here because I was afraid. I was afraid of being left by you.”

Black met gold, finally. 

“I won’t, not if you don’t want me to.” James whispered. 

And Cordelia nodded, looking back out at the water flowing from under the bridge. 

One hand sat atop hers, and she finally brought herself to smile. The man beside her pulled the fear out by the minute, and replaced it with excitement and love.


End file.
